Why????

I just don't get life sometimes.  I don't get the way my head works.  I don't get why you have to suffer to be stronger.  Why there is so much loneliness involved in our inner battles.  I just am hurting.  I am hurting so bad.  A deep down hurt.  My head is swallowed in this mass of confusion and pain and I only feel myself sinking lower and lower into a pit of despair.  I want things to be the way they are supposed to be, but it seems like things keep getting in the way.  How can I express myself to someone when I do not even know how to figure it out myself?  How can I reassure them of things?  I know what I want and I know I have a long road to achieving that.  It is so hard.  I want to be normal.  Sometimes I think disappearing would be my best option.  Than no one would have to worry about me.  No one would need to be concerned.  I want to run away.  Music, Music is my outlet it speaks to me I am sharing with you two today.  That speak to me.