Plunging

I sometimes wonder if I'm a glutton for punishment. Di sabotage myself. The nurse was just in I have a fever lovely. Just what I need. Not only that but I went out on a limb. I did something for someone and now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Money can not ever and will not ever buy happiness. I'm watching my father sleep in the cot. It amazes me he could be in a bed yet he is here. Its a bad night. I'm second guessing and questioning myself. I hate that. Did I have alterer motives for the choices I have made. Do I set myself out to be hurt on purpose. Tonight the urge to cut is so bad. Just a few cuts.  Nothing major. Superficial scratches. Something anything to dull the pain I'm feeling. I've cried. It doesn't help. I need a release. I need to just do something I don't know what though. I've prayed. I don't like this I don't want to succumb to the urges. What do I do?  I just feel so alone.