So my therapist gotta love him has given me an assignment. It is to look at myself and tell him what I see. It reminds me of the hazing or should say sorority rushing I did when I came to University. Where you stand naked in the middle of the room and everyone takes turns circling your areas that need improvement. I can tell you from experience that for someone with already a low self image it makes it even worse. Now here I sit 5 years later doing the same thing but this time to myself. I don't understand how it will help me but I agreed to give it a try.
So here I sit/stand look at myself what do I see. I see an ugly person. Unlovable, uncaring, self centered, emotionally unavailable person. I see every flaw in body, in my personality and in my mind. I'm short, I have big thighs . I don't make friends easily. I just break everything I touch. I wish I could fix things but I am slowly learning it is better for me to just be non existent then to try anymore. I am sitting here thinking yah that is best. I can't do this assignment. I can't bring myself to it. Oh well shit happens I'll sign off now and let you all be. My words of advice. TRUST NO ONE!! And does it get better right now I am thinking no!
Hey you, it is Josh(@JDMUFC76) i just want to say that i disagree with 2nd half of your story. for the short time i have known you i must say that you have to be one of the bravest people i have met and that is coming from someone who sees all types of bravery. It is easy to say that i am brave because of my type of job. well that is partly true. i was trained to be brave but true bravery come from within, and that makes you the bravest person i know. to go through what you have gone and still be here is BRAVERY. as for the outside, i have not seen you in person, only the few pics you have shared with me, but i see a very beautiful person. please don't take that as a perverted statement. it is merely a fact. well i hope that these words make to it you and i will talk to you soon. stay strong.
ReplyDeleteAlways here for you,
Joshua