Hope

Wow it has been so long since I last wrote.  My little girl arrived very early and very tiny.  She is 2 weeks old now and growing.  There have been some scares but all in all she is doing quiet well.  She arrived early on 29 May, 2012.  They were not sure if she would even breathe, but breathe she did she let out a soft cry.  I truly believe it was to let me know that she was OK and not to worry.  She is my angel baby.  I never dreamed I could love another human being as much as I love her.  

The few days after her birth are a blur to me I couldn't see her I was in intensive care and I was bleeding.  I had a partial abruption to the placenta which was causing issues with my uterus contracting and the bleeding to stop.  The doctors tried so many things in the end they operated and saved my life, and repaired my uterus.  Will I ever have more children they tell me only time will tell.  I do hope so I would love to have more.  I want a big family like my cousins all have.  I want the family that neither set of grandparents or my parents were able to have.  I sometimes wonder if life for me would have been different if my brothers had survived.  If they had not been born with Tay-sachs.  Would I even be here?  Would my mum be happy?  Would I be the perfect Jewish daughter?  I can't sit here and wonder and think about it.  It does me no good.

Well with Leah's early arrival I was able to start my internship.  A week late but I was able to start.  I am loving it.  I spent this past weekend at the Belmont Stakes.  Horse racing is something I have always loved and is a favorite with my mummy2.  Then Saturday night and Sunday at Pocono International Raceway in Long Pond, PA for the NASCAR Pocono 400.  All I can say is it was amazing.  I mean utterly amazing.  The only thing that could have been better was having my special guy there to share it with.  I was able to go through the pit and paddock area and got to sit in the spotters box during the race.  Experience of a lifetime. I am planning on hitting Indianapolis on 7/29 Pocono again on 8/5 and Watkins Glen on 8/12.  In case you haven't noticed I love NASCAR.  I am also going to see the Jets and Eagles play preseason.  Gonna have me a healthy dose of Tebow.  

As for my job.  What can I say, it is a dream come true absolutely amazing.  Words can not describe how much I love doing what I am doing.  Being part of a nationally syndicated sports program utterly amazing.  I had the opportunity to meet Rex Ryan from the jets.  Now waiting for that Tebow moment.  OMG I think I will die if that happens it would be so awesome.  

I am still struggling with my ED.  I won't lie it is hard.  Even more so now.  Looking down at my belly with Leah not in it and seeing the flab, my boobs being larger then I feel they should be.  I am still getting treatment and still working on it.  I know I have to.  I need to be there for my daughter.  I am all she has.  I have to do this for her more than anything.  

Oh I can go on and on and on about things but I will leave you with this a favorite quote of mine

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong.  Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.  ~George Washington Carver