I sit here and write this and I could utterly scream. I look at myself in the mirror and I want to throw my fists at it and smash it. I want to just break everything. What is wrong with me? Why am I so unlovable, unwanted, and horrible? Why can't I ever make anything work? I had myself sick all day. I finally figured it out I know what to do now and how to fix it.
I was asked to report on the NFL hall of Fame Inductions. I am excited but I look at myself in the mirror and I see every flaw. I need to loose weight, I've let myself go and I can see the fat that is building up on my body from being lazy. I can't go to something like that fat. I want to be a reporter an on air personality, I can't allow myself to be lazy. I exercised today. We spent about 3 or 4 hrs at the gym. It felt amazing. A total rush. I needed that. I can control it. I made sure to watch the calorie burner because I needed to burn off the big breakfast I had eaten. I think that is what had me sick. I have been eating to much. I am a foodie I admit it. I love food. Chocolate is my utter weakness beer and whiskey and even some vodka. None of those are acceptable foods. No wonder why I have blown up to blimp proportions. I have been eating like a grazing cow.
I guess depression does that to you. Why do I let it seep in? Why do I allow it to overcome me? I'm not the victim anymore. I can overcome this and I will. I vow I will lose that 10 extra pounds by August 2nd. I need to look my best. This is my future. No more food. I just need to nail this to have something to say I did right. G-d knows I can never get anything right, but this I will. I won't be a beached whale at this ceremony. I will look killer.
I will not look at the past only my future. Get thin get famous and no looking back
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